This week hasn’t been great, it hasn’t been terrible but there are just times when Master and i don’t gel. Master put it pretty well the other night when He said that no matter if i think He’s right i am going to learn, He is right in all situations. Unless something detrimental will happen i need to sit back and learn how to say “yes Master” in all situations, no matter what.
Trouble is, i’m not good at that. When i know i’m right, i don’t want to see Him fail or i don’t want to see something go wrong. The other thing is, i’m not good and trying things a different way, i want to try things “the way i know”. Doing something a different way is not only confusing to me but it’s stepping out of my comfort zone. The thing is that doesn’t matter to Master, what it says to Master is, i am being disobedient. It’s saying to Master and i am digging my feet in and saying “i must do it my way”. The point is, it doesn’t matter why i’m doing it, what matters to Him is that i’m doing it at all. i have to learn to step out of my own little world and completely into His.
We’ve been together long enough for me to know that no matter how hard i think i’m trying, i need to do things His way. It’s much easier said than done. In the heat of the moment, all i see is that i’m trying to help or i’m trying to “do the right thing”. What am i really doing? i’m trying to take over. i’m trying to do *my* thing, not His. i never EVER see it until it’s too late, He’s already mad and i’m already confused about why he’s mad.
Even though our relationship is built on TPE we are still human and we make mistakes. There will never be a time when everything will be perfect, all we can do is keep trying. What amazes me is our ability to bounce back and get back on the horse. i know i still have so much to learn and every time we go through something like this i learn a little more about Master and i learn more about my place.
i have to learn that i’ll never stop learning His way. i don’t know it all and my way might be right some of the time, i know that Master does value my opinion on some things. He just needs me to remember my place. It’s really easy for me to get over zealous.
Peace to you and yours,
We had a really good day at my sister’s house with my family. It was a pretty laid back day, everyone just sat around and watched football while we got dinner together. i had a good time messing around with my nephew, who is nuts. He really makes holidays fun and i always look forward to spending time with him. He’s going to school to be a pathologist, he’s always been very interested in dead bodies and the like. So that gives you a bit of an idea of who he is and what he’s interested in.
On Friday we spent the day with Master’s family and had Thanksgiving with them. They all waited a day so we could spend it together. We had a wonderful meal and spent the rest of the day playing games. i always have a good time playing games and visiting with Master’s family. The games were a lot of fun and Master’s dad and i even won one game.
The rest of the weekend was just a normal weekend. Master ended up having to work on Saturday, which was fine. i just spent the day watching TV and resting as i’ve had a rather difficult weekend as far as pain goes. Today was rough too, i am sure it’s just because i over did it on Thursday and Friday. When i get too tired and too worn out i end up feeling crappy for a couple days. So i’m hoping that tomorrow i’ll be feeling better. i would love to put the tree up tomorrow night when Master gets home from work. i need His help to get the tree upstairs so i think i’ll spend the day preparing to decorate and i’ll be all ready to go when He gets home. He’ll be thrilled i’m sure!! hehehehe
We spent the day watching football and cleaning up the house. He’s happy because the Vikings won today!! It’s always a good day when the Vikings win!! We went to supper tonight with Master’s mom and that was a bad idea as Master and His mom got into it over basically nothing. She is so unreasonable some times and it’s so incredibly frustrating to listen to them argue. Master is so much better than that and i hate it when He lets her get to Him. He’s just too smart to argue with someone who has no clue and that’s how she is when she’s upset. She’s clueless.
There hasn’t been much D/s other than the normal TPE that is ever-present in our lives. We just haven’t had an opportunity to play or do much else lately. No matter how busy we are or whatever is going on in our lives the Total Power Exchange is always there and strong in our lives. It never falls to the wayside as He is always Master and i’m always the slave. Even when i’m misbehaving, i’m still the slave and i’m easily reminded of it. Master is able to remind me of my place with little things even the tone of His voice is a reminder of who i am and reminds me of my place in His life.
Peace to you and yours,