From another blog:
From another blog:
“I have to wonder IF this BDSM lifestyle is something that most of the population can maintain for any length of time.”
Well, we’re 10 years and counting and we’re far from leading the pack. Keep watching this space for our 20th anniversary of collar wearing, kneeling, piercing, bondage and sucking on command.
“Because I have a feeling that at one point or another someone is going to land up feeling lost invisible and hurt.“
Unlike all those vanilla relationships that are 50% headbutting and end up in divorce 50% of the time. I’ll stick with what works.
~MD, rocking the boat
My girl was telling me about something she read and she was reluctant to post anything about it because she goes out of her way to not make waves with anyone. I, on the other hand, don’t usually give a shit. I rarely post anything here and I thought this was as good a time as any to rock the boat.
Libby, of “a submissive’s musings” made a post about some “Domme” who said “I am looking for someone who wants a young, sexy Mistress or Princess to spoil, adore and OBEY. If you are ready to be My pay pig, then contact Me now. You must be prepared to PROVE you want to spoil Me financially by sending Me a small donation or gift certificate. If you are not ready to spoil Me with gifts, then KEEP IT MOVING.“
Apparently, this “Domme” has links to stores so guys can shower her with tokens of their devotion to her uberness, and they can also buy her crusty, old, used drawers at the low, low price of 2 for $40. Several people agreed with her less than favorable assessment of that “Domme”, and several disagreed. I happen to agree with all the commenters. How can that be? Well, like most men in my position, I generally agree with the notion that there are no rules in this lifestyle, and the whole “your kink is not my kink but that’s OK” philosophy. However, if I was going to be truly honest to myself and the world, I’d have to admit that I find the entire FemDom idea to be preposterous. I have broad shoulders and I can take the hate that will surely rain down on me for saying that, but I have my reasons and to me, they are quite valid. I certainly don’t expect any submissive male to change his way of thinking just because I say so and I would never tell anyone else how to live his or her life as long as it doesn’t directly or adversely affect me or mine.
None of us need to pretend to like or understand the way other people live, we don’t even have to accept it, we just have to leave them alone to live however they want to because it’s none of our business. Libby makes a valid point about how the vanilla world looks at “our world” and when they see crap like that, they look at all of us the same way. Frankly, I don’t give a baboon’s fat, red ass what anyone thinks of the way we live our lives, vanilla or not. They can accept it or they can “KEEP IT MOVING” as the crusty panty “Domme” would say. I will continue to tell my girl how to dress, when to shut up, when to suck and when to speak. I’ll spank, slap, cuff, gag, blind and hood her when I damn well please and I’ll put holes in her flesh when and where I please. No one but her has to accept or understand any of it and I don’t give a damn that the vanilla world will NEVER accept lifestyles that veer too far from missionary in the bed with the lights off. (That sounds like some kind of attempt to put an end to a game of Sex Clue.) We will never be able to practice the more daring parts of our lifestyles in public without fear of legal and religious persecution, but just as a fat, smelly woman can wear sweats and a tube top to Target, you can wear your collar and rings and tattoos and brands as well, just be prepared to be laughed at, frowned upon and pointed toward. Don’t do anything illegal, or even borderline illegal in public and most of us will be able to live and let live. Religious zealots and related nutjobs will always be zealots and nutjobs, just steer clear of them and/or vote them out.
The moral of my story is, I’m selling my rancid, holey, stuck to the carpet, used to be white socks for $5 a pair. Contact me here for the Paypal link.
Being chained to the bed brings out all these different emotions. i was laying in bed last night for hours on end not able to sleep looking at all the attachment point and chains hanging from the eye bolts. All i could think about was being chained to the bed and how every time i walk into the bedroom i see the chains under the bed or hanging from the eye bolts at the canopy top.
Master doesn’t chain me to the bed every night, far from it, but when He does i’m on a short chain. It’s just long enough to reach into the Master bath. Master has the chain exactly far enough that i am able to stand at the sink with the chain around my left foot, just enough to reach the faucet and no further. It’s not so much that i have to sleep with a heavy chain on my ankle of course, it’s the idea. The idea that i’m stuck. There is a thick leather cuff around my ankle and big chain wrapped around either an eye bolt that goes through the 4×4 bed post or the chain is wrapped around the 4×4 at the foot of the bed at the floor. Either way without a) the key or b) bolt cutters, i’m going no where. Things have changed i think though through the years. He used to chain me to the bed before He built this bed and while i still had the same amount of chain, the bed wasn’t so massive and i think i thought, i might be able to pull myself out if i ever needed to. Now i know i’m not going anywhere unless Master says so, period. Of course that’s the way with any sort of bondage. The difference is, the length of time and how often i see these chains as a reminder.
When Master locks that last pad lock on or clip or however He decides to lock me in for the night, i know that this will be my plight for the night. Unless He says differently, i am here for the duration, be it 5 hours or 10. He used to care if i was bratty about it or if i pouted or if i was in a bad mood or didn’t wanna be in those dumb chains… LOL. Anymore He really doesn’t give a crap if i’m into it or not. He’ll slap that leather cuff on and that chain on just whenever He darn well pleases and that will be the way of it, end. of. story. If i have a good reason (and it better be very good) He might let me out to go to the kitchen, but chances are, He won’t. So before that lock closes i need to be sure i have all my ducks in a row before it’s time for bed.
i know i used to just hate being chained to that bed for no other reason than “what if i don’t wanna be chained up?” HAHA What an awesome slave-like attitude right? i’m better than i was before, i see the cuffs come out now and for whatever reason, i toss out my wrists or ankles and i am happy to see them now. Usually. There are always times when i’m a brat about it, i can’t even say why. i don’t want to be, i want to love it all the time, i want to love it as much as He does, all the time. i’m getting better, i am. i can always equate feeling bad physically to not responding well to Him, that’s always been consistent. It never makes it right though and it always makes me feel guilty. But that’s something altogether different, really.
i was just thinking as i was lying there, not able to sleep, that i know i still have a lot of improvements to make, i have come a long way from where i used to be. In my own mind just being able to be open and honest with myself is a huge deal. In the past i’m not sure i would have been able to write this down or even admit that everything He wanted wasn’t perfect in my eyes. i still have so far to go, i was lacking so much when i came to be His but i believe what is important is that He and i continue to strive to mold me into what He wants of me. i know i can’t do it alone and He knows it too. =)
We’re doing better, back on the right track, back in sync with one another again. It’s so hard when we have so much bickering but that seems to be gone and we’re back to our normal selves and working together again like we always have. It’s a comfort to know that we’ll have these times, we’ll go through rough patches like any couple and we’ll trudge through them, together.
The difference is, one of us might just be chained to the bed while we do the trudging. =p
Peace to you and yours,
This week hasn’t been great, it hasn’t been terrible but there are just times when Master and i don’t gel. Master put it pretty well the other night when He said that no matter if i think He’s right i am going to learn, He is right in all situations. Unless something detrimental will happen i need to sit back and learn how to say “yes Master” in all situations, no matter what.
Trouble is, i’m not good at that. When i know i’m right, i don’t want to see Him fail or i don’t want to see something go wrong. The other thing is, i’m not good and trying things a different way, i want to try things “the way i know”. Doing something a different way is not only confusing to me but it’s stepping out of my comfort zone. The thing is that doesn’t matter to Master, what it says to Master is, i am being disobedient. It’s saying to Master and i am digging my feet in and saying “i must do it my way”. The point is, it doesn’t matter why i’m doing it, what matters to Him is that i’m doing it at all. i have to learn to step out of my own little world and completely into His.
We’ve been together long enough for me to know that no matter how hard i think i’m trying, i need to do things His way. It’s much easier said than done. In the heat of the moment, all i see is that i’m trying to help or i’m trying to “do the right thing”. What am i really doing? i’m trying to take over. i’m trying to do *my* thing, not His. i never EVER see it until it’s too late, He’s already mad and i’m already confused about why he’s mad.
Even though our relationship is built on TPE we are still human and we make mistakes. There will never be a time when everything will be perfect, all we can do is keep trying. What amazes me is our ability to bounce back and get back on the horse. i know i still have so much to learn and every time we go through something like this i learn a little more about Master and i learn more about my place.
i have to learn that i’ll never stop learning His way. i don’t know it all and my way might be right some of the time, i know that Master does value my opinion on some things. He just needs me to remember my place. It’s really easy for me to get over zealous.
Peace to you and yours,
i never know when i might be falling out of favor with Master. It’s not even so much that i’m forgetting my place or that i might be in need of “correction” as He calls it, it’s just that He’ll make a comment “you sure are cocky, aren’t you?”. i should see the writing on the wall, when those comments start coming. i never do though, i suppose i’m sort of thick and i don’t just mean my thighs! =p
The other day i was in the kitchen giving the dog a snack for the umptheenth time that day and i knew that Master was planning something as He wouldn’t allow me to get dressed in my girdle and stockings as normal, i was just in a mini skirt and blouse. Very uncharacteristic of Him. So He called me into the bedroom and it appeared i was indeed in for some sort of something, but He never lets on as to what it’s going to be. i know it’s because He doesn’t want me to freak out or get nervous. He put a ball gag in and earlier He’d put the leather wrist cuffs on as well as the big belled leather ankle cuffs. i seriously sound like Santa when i wear those things. They are very loud when i wear just one, let alone both of them.
i also had the stainless steel & silicone locking collar on that He doesn’t have me wear very often, so i had a pretty good idea from earlier in the day when He was putting all that on me that something was coming, later in the day. Again, i just didn’t know what and that’s always better for me. So He attached the ankle cuffs together with some sort of lock and then to a chain that’s always on the bed. Then locked the leather wrist cuffs together (i think?) behind my back and also put some handcuffs on me. He also attached my hands to a chain hanging from the bed post.
If you’ve never seen pictures of the bed that Master built about a year ago, it’s worth the gander. i don’t care how badly i wanted out of those chains, they were attached to eye bolts that go into 4×4 posts. The bed itself is pretty intense.
Once He had me all secure He gave me some quiet time which for me isn’t a bad thing. i don’t get bored easily and i can just sit for a long time. What is always hard for me is being worried about what’s coming and the pain of the handcuffs. There was a time when i could hardly hold my arms behind my back, i don’t have that trouble as much, now it’s the handcuffs as they cut into my hands. i don’t have a high threshold for that i guess. So i sit there and i wonder what will happen and i have the hardest time concentrating, what will He do to me and what have i done to get here?
i always try to think about my smart mouth and why i say the things i say, why can’t i just shut my mouth? i know that more often than not it’s not what i say but sometimes what i don’t say. He wants me to talk to Him, He wants me to say the right things, He wants me to be more passionate. So here i sit, trying to think of ways to be more passionate, and in He walks and He grabs a little flogger i think that’s what He picks up first. The first thing He does is swing down hard and hits the very tip of the nipple/nipple ring and it stings, badly. i just looked down because i didn’t want to whimper right off. He goes through a little flogger, another flogger and some little leather smacker thing. i’m red by now and every time He hits me i can’t help but think He doesn’t hit me often enough, i know i deserve it, but i just wish He’d stop. Over and over in my head, please please please please stop…. it hurts it hurts owie owie… Finally He stops. It hasn’t been long but to me, long enough.
He kisses me and asks me if i’ve learned my lesson, with sort of a sadistic laugh. A laugh i really haven’t heard from Him before. i just said uh huh and He left me. He left me to think some more.
i know i need this more often and it might be the first time in a long time i’ve written about something like this. i just don’t think that when He gives me a lesson like this i am as thankful as i should be. i want it to be over the entire time and then when it’s over, i feel bad that i didn’t try harder. Am i more of a masochist than i’ve ever made myself out to be? =)
Peace to you and yours
Last night Master’s family was over for dinner. It’s always a balancing act for us when they are here. During the winter time, Master always keeps the leather collar on me so i don’t take it off until we either see them pulling in the drive way or we hear a knock on the door. Last night it was a teeny tiny barely audible knock on the door and i had to dash out of the kitchen and down the hall way to take it off and stash the collar in the bed room.
In the summer months Master generally puts the eternity collar on me and keeps it on due to swimming. But seeing that there is obviously none of that in the winter, the leather collar is His preference. So there is just a little more to be aware of, something i have become very used to dealing with and no big deal. When they are here, however there are things that i (we) have to change my routine to accommodate. i am not allowed to leave Master’s presence without permission. That makes it really hard when things come up and everyone is around and i need to dash out of the room for, whatever. It happens all the time, think about all the things you have to leave any particular room for at any given time. Just think about how many times you dash from room to room in a days time. It’s a ton. i (try) to combine my trips, if i know i have to leave the kitchen and go to the back of the house or basement, i try to get all the things i need at once. It’s to serve several purposes but for the most part, so i don’t have to say to Master “may i have permission to leave Your presence?”, over and over and over every single time i need to leave a room because i say it probably hundreds of times a day.
So when we have company, not asking to leave the room is tough, nearly impossible, without actually asking. i say stuff to Him like, “okay, i’m gunna run and grab –this–” and He’ll nod. Either way, we make it work but by the end of the night, it’s pretty exhausting. Changing a routine that we follow for a few hours doesn’t seem like it should be that big of a deal i think for me i’m just not sure that i haven’t screwed up royally, lol.
The other thing of course is eating without permission. i’m never allowed to eat without permission. So once everyone has food, especially Master some how i’ll wait for a tap on the leg a nod or something. But every once in a while, He’ll forget. Then i’m toast. Then what do i do? Sit there and wait? Then i draw attention to myself lol, cause His Mom ALWAYS says something!! LOL i guess in a way that’s a good thing that will at least draw His attention to me not eating hahaha!!
Master told me a story once of a Dom who took his slave out for dinner once, they were talking away and having a nice time and all of a sudden the Dom looked over at her and he was almost done with his dinner and noticed that he never told her she could eat!!! He was like OMG EAT!! HAHA Master’s never done that to me, He’s forgotten to tell me to eat before, but never waited quite that long!! =)
So we had a nice time last night, we’ve gotten the kinks worked out and everything runs smoothly on the surface and no one is the wiser as to what goes on here. Everyone has a good time and once everyone leaves the collar goes right back on and we settle right back into our comfortable routine.
We played games until after 1am, we played this new game called Dicecapades, it was fun and Master won. Master nearly always wins. Pfft. =p
Today i think we’re just having a nice quiet Saturday, it’s lovely outside and maybe i can talk Master into a walk. We’ll see.
Peace to you and yours,
Master likes me clothed, completely clothed, all the time pretty much from head to toe. So that’s how i’ve become accustomed to being, all the time. i mean we really only know what we know. It was kinda hard to get used to at first but now i know that i’m not going to undressed until it’s time to actually get in bed and that’s the way it is.
There are times when He pulls me completely out of my comfort zone and catches me totally off guard however. i’m not a good historian, that’s just a really nice way of saying that my memory sucks, but not in the way that most people say their memory sucks. i can’t remember big blocks of time or really what happened yesterday, it’s not atypical of me to completely forget words, etc. So i don’t have a clue what we were doing or how this came about but all i know is i was doing ‘something’ on Sunday and Master said, “strip”. i also remember that i wasn’t immediately compliant because i knew i wasn’t going to be getting dressed again for the rest of the night and i would be cold all night. Of course, this is of no consequence to Master, to me, i hear “strip” and i think omg i’m always smothered in clothes and used to being super warm, now i’m going to freeze. So that’s what i said, “i’ll freeze!”. Of course, i said that, while i was taking my clothes off!!!
None of this is neither here nor there, it’s not so much what i’m wearing, it’s the state of mind, isn’t it? It’s how quickly will i react to what He’s saying and how soon will i respond to His command. How will i feel once i’m stripped both literally and figuratively of my comfort. i write this like He’s never had me strip before, where that couldn’t be further from the truth, He does this often, but what doesn’t happen is this; He stripped me, locked me up and then got called away to deal with something else important. So i was left only a few feet away to just “be”. i could watch TV, i could use the computer if i wanted although my hands were locked together, so He never said i just had to sit. It didn’t matter, i was feeling sorry for myself cause i was cold and locked up and alone.
All of the above are ridiculous because while they are all true, i had blankets, i could walk around and He was mere feet away. i just felt like He hadn’t given me a choice, OH REALLY? He hadn’t. ***News flash*** that’s too bad. He was gone from the bedroom pretty much all night so when He did come to bed at like 5am, i was already asleep, He unlocked my hands and it was time for me to go to sleep for real. By then i think i must have been over my “poor poor pitiful me” episode.
The best part about the whole thing? The next night, He did the whole thing all over again. Stripped, locked only i didn’t get left. Being stripped is a real oddity for Him, He likes clothes, skirts, slips, stockings, high heels… of course, i talk about it tons. So i’m never, okay not never, almost never naked. i know now, or i **think** i know why He does it. Cause a slave girl needs to be reminded of her place once in a while and it’s a simple way of gettin’ down to the nitty gritty. It’s fricken cold in this house at 3am, when ya gotta let the dog outside with no clothes on. The basement floor is freeeezing with no little bedroom slippers on. i’m locked up a lot, but everything changes when He makes me more vulnerable by taking away my clothes. Even though when i’m locked up, i’m completely at His mercy, i am totally used to that, it’s the exposure that i’m not used to i guess. Sitting chained up isn’t anything new to me but sitting chained up completely naked and cold, that’s not as common.
For Master, it was a good way to knock His slave down a few pegs, make sure she stays in her place, at His feet, on her knees. =)
Peace to you and yours,
There is an article that i came across some time ago from the Dark Fairy Tales journal that i read. There is one particular part of the article that addresses a point “How to make her feel owned” (i think i’m paraphrasing). When i think about being owned and how i want to be owned it makes me think of that portion of the article. i have known for a very long time that i wanted to be dominated. Even when i was with my exboyfriend, i loved it when He told me what to do and when He kept a close eye on my comings and goings. It made me feel loved and protected. i know now that it was a bad relationship and that it wasn’t the way to live as a slave to someone who didn’t appreciate my submission by any stretch of the imagination.
Since learning more about the BDSM community and expanding my knowledge into what D/s really means, i know that i want to be owned by my Master. i have always needed to please and i get a lot of satisfaction from serving and from being told that i’m a “good girl”. The more Dominant Master is with me, the less mistakes i make and the more i strive to please Him. i respond to very simple things, it can be the tone of His voice letting me know that He’s serious to Him ordering me to do something. The more Dominant He is with me, the better i feel about my submission and the safer i feel. To me, there is nothing more comforting that knowing that He will take care of my every need and i feel a sense of peace knowing that i need not worry about the trivial things that most people worry about. All i need to do is focus on my submission and on my service to Him and He’ll take care of everything else.
Now i’m not saying that i am completely sheltered by the rigors of the real world. i know when the bills need to be paid and i know how to access our checking account and things like that. But just because i know these things, doesn’t mean that i have to concern myself with them. i trust my Master that He will and does take care of every little detail leaving me the freedom to serve Him. i’m sure that just about everyone has heard this in some sense, but nothing sets me free more than giving up complete control.
The less control i have and the more i’m able to let go, the more it inspires Master to take control. So it’s a cyclical event. The more control Master has over me, the more submissive and slave like i feel. The more slave like i am, the more it empowers Master and gives Him the confidence to Dominate me.
Peace to you and yours,
Last night when i got home from my second night of bowling for the week, i started in on supper. When supper was almost ready, Master told me to go the bedroom and take off all my clothes. He had me eat supper, do the dishes… all of my “normal” stuff completely naked. This was pretty difficult for me and real lesson in humility. i don’t remember the last time i felt so exposed, even if it was just to Him. i also had a feeling of complete submission, i felt as though i was totally open and ready for Him. Even though it was tough it was still a really good and almost cleansing experience.
i’m sure that many slaves stay naked for the better part of their time but for me it was something a little different. There have been many times that He has had me remove everything but my skirt and then placed the ankle and wrist cuffs on me just to watch TV or something. But this was the first time i felt so totally vulnerable and for me, that felt safe in some strange way.
Master has been sick the last couple of days so He really hasn’t had much energy to do anything. We will spend the rest of the night getting ready for Halloween when He’s done taking a short nap. There was a nasty storm that passed by here not long ago so we were frantically running around outside the house picking up anything that might get damaged by the storm. Thankfully it was over before it started.
i had a busy day and spent some time baking cookies and making a big meal. i have been cooking a lot more lately as we are trying to eat out less, save some money and eat a bit healthier. i’m finding my “homemaker” side and i’m really liking it. It makes me feel more like i’m contributing to our life, seeing that i spend so much time not feeling well and sleeping.
Time to prepare for Halloween!!
Peace to you and yours!!