Being chained to the bed brings out all these different emotions. i was laying in bed last night for hours on end not able to sleep looking at all the attachment point and chains hanging from the eye bolts. All i could think about was being chained to the bed and how every time i walk into the bedroom i see the chains under the bed or hanging from the eye bolts at the canopy top.
Master doesn’t chain me to the bed every night, far from it, but when He does i’m on a short chain. It’s just long enough to reach into the Master bath. Master has the chain exactly far enough that i am able to stand at the sink with the chain around my left foot, just enough to reach the faucet and no further. It’s not so much that i have to sleep with a heavy chain on my ankle of course, it’s the idea. The idea that i’m stuck. There is a thick leather cuff around my ankle and big chain wrapped around either an eye bolt that goes through the 4×4 bed post or the chain is wrapped around the 4×4 at the foot of the bed at the floor. Either way without a) the key or b) bolt cutters, i’m going no where. Things have changed i think though through the years. He used to chain me to the bed before He built this bed and while i still had the same amount of chain, the bed wasn’t so massive and i think i thought, i might be able to pull myself out if i ever needed to. Now i know i’m not going anywhere unless Master says so, period. Of course that’s the way with any sort of bondage. The difference is, the length of time and how often i see these chains as a reminder.
When Master locks that last pad lock on or clip or however He decides to lock me in for the night, i know that this will be my plight for the night. Unless He says differently, i am here for the duration, be it 5 hours or 10. He used to care if i was bratty about it or if i pouted or if i was in a bad mood or didn’t wanna be in those dumb chains… LOL. Anymore He really doesn’t give a crap if i’m into it or not. He’ll slap that leather cuff on and that chain on just whenever He darn well pleases and that will be the way of it, end. of. story. If i have a good reason (and it better be very good) He might let me out to go to the kitchen, but chances are, He won’t. So before that lock closes i need to be sure i have all my ducks in a row before it’s time for bed.
i know i used to just hate being chained to that bed for no other reason than “what if i don’t wanna be chained up?” HAHA What an awesome slave-like attitude right? i’m better than i was before, i see the cuffs come out now and for whatever reason, i toss out my wrists or ankles and i am happy to see them now. Usually. There are always times when i’m a brat about it, i can’t even say why. i don’t want to be, i want to love it all the time, i want to love it as much as He does, all the time. i’m getting better, i am. i can always equate feeling bad physically to not responding well to Him, that’s always been consistent. It never makes it right though and it always makes me feel guilty. But that’s something altogether different, really.
i was just thinking as i was lying there, not able to sleep, that i know i still have a lot of improvements to make, i have come a long way from where i used to be. In my own mind just being able to be open and honest with myself is a huge deal. In the past i’m not sure i would have been able to write this down or even admit that everything He wanted wasn’t perfect in my eyes. i still have so far to go, i was lacking so much when i came to be His but i believe what is important is that He and i continue to strive to mold me into what He wants of me. i know i can’t do it alone and He knows it too. =)
We’re doing better, back on the right track, back in sync with one another again. It’s so hard when we have so much bickering but that seems to be gone and we’re back to our normal selves and working together again like we always have. It’s a comfort to know that we’ll have these times, we’ll go through rough patches like any couple and we’ll trudge through them, together.
The difference is, one of us might just be chained to the bed while we do the trudging. =p
Peace to you and yours,
i never know when i might be falling out of favor with Master. It’s not even so much that i’m forgetting my place or that i might be in need of “correction” as He calls it, it’s just that He’ll make a comment “you sure are cocky, aren’t you?”. i should see the writing on the wall, when those comments start coming. i never do though, i suppose i’m sort of thick and i don’t just mean my thighs! =p
The other day i was in the kitchen giving the dog a snack for the umptheenth time that day and i knew that Master was planning something as He wouldn’t allow me to get dressed in my girdle and stockings as normal, i was just in a mini skirt and blouse. Very uncharacteristic of Him. So He called me into the bedroom and it appeared i was indeed in for some sort of something, but He never lets on as to what it’s going to be. i know it’s because He doesn’t want me to freak out or get nervous. He put a ball gag in and earlier He’d put the leather wrist cuffs on as well as the big belled leather ankle cuffs. i seriously sound like Santa when i wear those things. They are very loud when i wear just one, let alone both of them.
i also had the stainless steel & silicone locking collar on that He doesn’t have me wear very often, so i had a pretty good idea from earlier in the day when He was putting all that on me that something was coming, later in the day. Again, i just didn’t know what and that’s always better for me. So He attached the ankle cuffs together with some sort of lock and then to a chain that’s always on the bed. Then locked the leather wrist cuffs together (i think?) behind my back and also put some handcuffs on me. He also attached my hands to a chain hanging from the bed post.
If you’ve never seen pictures of the bed that Master built about a year ago, it’s worth the gander. i don’t care how badly i wanted out of those chains, they were attached to eye bolts that go into 4×4 posts. The bed itself is pretty intense.
Once He had me all secure He gave me some quiet time which for me isn’t a bad thing. i don’t get bored easily and i can just sit for a long time. What is always hard for me is being worried about what’s coming and the pain of the handcuffs. There was a time when i could hardly hold my arms behind my back, i don’t have that trouble as much, now it’s the handcuffs as they cut into my hands. i don’t have a high threshold for that i guess. So i sit there and i wonder what will happen and i have the hardest time concentrating, what will He do to me and what have i done to get here?
i always try to think about my smart mouth and why i say the things i say, why can’t i just shut my mouth? i know that more often than not it’s not what i say but sometimes what i don’t say. He wants me to talk to Him, He wants me to say the right things, He wants me to be more passionate. So here i sit, trying to think of ways to be more passionate, and in He walks and He grabs a little flogger i think that’s what He picks up first. The first thing He does is swing down hard and hits the very tip of the nipple/nipple ring and it stings, badly. i just looked down because i didn’t want to whimper right off. He goes through a little flogger, another flogger and some little leather smacker thing. i’m red by now and every time He hits me i can’t help but think He doesn’t hit me often enough, i know i deserve it, but i just wish He’d stop. Over and over in my head, please please please please stop…. it hurts it hurts owie owie… Finally He stops. It hasn’t been long but to me, long enough.
He kisses me and asks me if i’ve learned my lesson, with sort of a sadistic laugh. A laugh i really haven’t heard from Him before. i just said uh huh and He left me. He left me to think some more.
i know i need this more often and it might be the first time in a long time i’ve written about something like this. i just don’t think that when He gives me a lesson like this i am as thankful as i should be. i want it to be over the entire time and then when it’s over, i feel bad that i didn’t try harder. Am i more of a masochist than i’ve ever made myself out to be? =)
Peace to you and yours
Master likes me clothed, completely clothed, all the time pretty much from head to toe. So that’s how i’ve become accustomed to being, all the time. i mean we really only know what we know. It was kinda hard to get used to at first but now i know that i’m not going to undressed until it’s time to actually get in bed and that’s the way it is.
There are times when He pulls me completely out of my comfort zone and catches me totally off guard however. i’m not a good historian, that’s just a really nice way of saying that my memory sucks, but not in the way that most people say their memory sucks. i can’t remember big blocks of time or really what happened yesterday, it’s not atypical of me to completely forget words, etc. So i don’t have a clue what we were doing or how this came about but all i know is i was doing ‘something’ on Sunday and Master said, “strip”. i also remember that i wasn’t immediately compliant because i knew i wasn’t going to be getting dressed again for the rest of the night and i would be cold all night. Of course, this is of no consequence to Master, to me, i hear “strip” and i think omg i’m always smothered in clothes and used to being super warm, now i’m going to freeze. So that’s what i said, “i’ll freeze!”. Of course, i said that, while i was taking my clothes off!!!
None of this is neither here nor there, it’s not so much what i’m wearing, it’s the state of mind, isn’t it? It’s how quickly will i react to what He’s saying and how soon will i respond to His command. How will i feel once i’m stripped both literally and figuratively of my comfort. i write this like He’s never had me strip before, where that couldn’t be further from the truth, He does this often, but what doesn’t happen is this; He stripped me, locked me up and then got called away to deal with something else important. So i was left only a few feet away to just “be”. i could watch TV, i could use the computer if i wanted although my hands were locked together, so He never said i just had to sit. It didn’t matter, i was feeling sorry for myself cause i was cold and locked up and alone.
All of the above are ridiculous because while they are all true, i had blankets, i could walk around and He was mere feet away. i just felt like He hadn’t given me a choice, OH REALLY? He hadn’t. ***News flash*** that’s too bad. He was gone from the bedroom pretty much all night so when He did come to bed at like 5am, i was already asleep, He unlocked my hands and it was time for me to go to sleep for real. By then i think i must have been over my “poor poor pitiful me” episode.
The best part about the whole thing? The next night, He did the whole thing all over again. Stripped, locked only i didn’t get left. Being stripped is a real oddity for Him, He likes clothes, skirts, slips, stockings, high heels… of course, i talk about it tons. So i’m never, okay not never, almost never naked. i know now, or i **think** i know why He does it. Cause a slave girl needs to be reminded of her place once in a while and it’s a simple way of gettin’ down to the nitty gritty. It’s fricken cold in this house at 3am, when ya gotta let the dog outside with no clothes on. The basement floor is freeeezing with no little bedroom slippers on. i’m locked up a lot, but everything changes when He makes me more vulnerable by taking away my clothes. Even though when i’m locked up, i’m completely at His mercy, i am totally used to that, it’s the exposure that i’m not used to i guess. Sitting chained up isn’t anything new to me but sitting chained up completely naked and cold, that’s not as common.
For Master, it was a good way to knock His slave down a few pegs, make sure she stays in her place, at His feet, on her knees. =)
Peace to you and yours,