From another blog:
From another blog:
“I have to wonder IF this BDSM lifestyle is something that most of the population can maintain for any length of time.”
Well, we’re 10 years and counting and we’re far from leading the pack. Keep watching this space for our 20th anniversary of collar wearing, kneeling, piercing, bondage and sucking on command.
“Because I have a feeling that at one point or another someone is going to land up feeling lost invisible and hurt.“
Unlike all those vanilla relationships that are 50% headbutting and end up in divorce 50% of the time. I’ll stick with what works.
~MD, rocking the boat
My girl was telling me about something she read and she was reluctant to post anything about it because she goes out of her way to not make waves with anyone. I, on the other hand, don’t usually give a shit. I rarely post anything here and I thought this was as good a time as any to rock the boat.
Libby, of “a submissive’s musings” made a post about some “Domme” who said “I am looking for someone who wants a young, sexy Mistress or Princess to spoil, adore and OBEY. If you are ready to be My pay pig, then contact Me now. You must be prepared to PROVE you want to spoil Me financially by sending Me a small donation or gift certificate. If you are not ready to spoil Me with gifts, then KEEP IT MOVING.“
Apparently, this “Domme” has links to stores so guys can shower her with tokens of their devotion to her uberness, and they can also buy her crusty, old, used drawers at the low, low price of 2 for $40. Several people agreed with her less than favorable assessment of that “Domme”, and several disagreed. I happen to agree with all the commenters. How can that be? Well, like most men in my position, I generally agree with the notion that there are no rules in this lifestyle, and the whole “your kink is not my kink but that’s OK” philosophy. However, if I was going to be truly honest to myself and the world, I’d have to admit that I find the entire FemDom idea to be preposterous. I have broad shoulders and I can take the hate that will surely rain down on me for saying that, but I have my reasons and to me, they are quite valid. I certainly don’t expect any submissive male to change his way of thinking just because I say so and I would never tell anyone else how to live his or her life as long as it doesn’t directly or adversely affect me or mine.
None of us need to pretend to like or understand the way other people live, we don’t even have to accept it, we just have to leave them alone to live however they want to because it’s none of our business. Libby makes a valid point about how the vanilla world looks at “our world” and when they see crap like that, they look at all of us the same way. Frankly, I don’t give a baboon’s fat, red ass what anyone thinks of the way we live our lives, vanilla or not. They can accept it or they can “KEEP IT MOVING” as the crusty panty “Domme” would say. I will continue to tell my girl how to dress, when to shut up, when to suck and when to speak. I’ll spank, slap, cuff, gag, blind and hood her when I damn well please and I’ll put holes in her flesh when and where I please. No one but her has to accept or understand any of it and I don’t give a damn that the vanilla world will NEVER accept lifestyles that veer too far from missionary in the bed with the lights off. (That sounds like some kind of attempt to put an end to a game of Sex Clue.) We will never be able to practice the more daring parts of our lifestyles in public without fear of legal and religious persecution, but just as a fat, smelly woman can wear sweats and a tube top to Target, you can wear your collar and rings and tattoos and brands as well, just be prepared to be laughed at, frowned upon and pointed toward. Don’t do anything illegal, or even borderline illegal in public and most of us will be able to live and let live. Religious zealots and related nutjobs will always be zealots and nutjobs, just steer clear of them and/or vote them out.
The moral of my story is, I’m selling my rancid, holey, stuck to the carpet, used to be white socks for $5 a pair. Contact me here for the Paypal link.
i never know when i might be falling out of favor with Master. It’s not even so much that i’m forgetting my place or that i might be in need of “correction” as He calls it, it’s just that He’ll make a comment “you sure are cocky, aren’t you?”. i should see the writing on the wall, when those comments start coming. i never do though, i suppose i’m sort of thick and i don’t just mean my thighs! =p
The other day i was in the kitchen giving the dog a snack for the umptheenth time that day and i knew that Master was planning something as He wouldn’t allow me to get dressed in my girdle and stockings as normal, i was just in a mini skirt and blouse. Very uncharacteristic of Him. So He called me into the bedroom and it appeared i was indeed in for some sort of something, but He never lets on as to what it’s going to be. i know it’s because He doesn’t want me to freak out or get nervous. He put a ball gag in and earlier He’d put the leather wrist cuffs on as well as the big belled leather ankle cuffs. i seriously sound like Santa when i wear those things. They are very loud when i wear just one, let alone both of them.
i also had the stainless steel & silicone locking collar on that He doesn’t have me wear very often, so i had a pretty good idea from earlier in the day when He was putting all that on me that something was coming, later in the day. Again, i just didn’t know what and that’s always better for me. So He attached the ankle cuffs together with some sort of lock and then to a chain that’s always on the bed. Then locked the leather wrist cuffs together (i think?) behind my back and also put some handcuffs on me. He also attached my hands to a chain hanging from the bed post.
If you’ve never seen pictures of the bed that Master built about a year ago, it’s worth the gander. i don’t care how badly i wanted out of those chains, they were attached to eye bolts that go into 4×4 posts. The bed itself is pretty intense.
Once He had me all secure He gave me some quiet time which for me isn’t a bad thing. i don’t get bored easily and i can just sit for a long time. What is always hard for me is being worried about what’s coming and the pain of the handcuffs. There was a time when i could hardly hold my arms behind my back, i don’t have that trouble as much, now it’s the handcuffs as they cut into my hands. i don’t have a high threshold for that i guess. So i sit there and i wonder what will happen and i have the hardest time concentrating, what will He do to me and what have i done to get here?
i always try to think about my smart mouth and why i say the things i say, why can’t i just shut my mouth? i know that more often than not it’s not what i say but sometimes what i don’t say. He wants me to talk to Him, He wants me to say the right things, He wants me to be more passionate. So here i sit, trying to think of ways to be more passionate, and in He walks and He grabs a little flogger i think that’s what He picks up first. The first thing He does is swing down hard and hits the very tip of the nipple/nipple ring and it stings, badly. i just looked down because i didn’t want to whimper right off. He goes through a little flogger, another flogger and some little leather smacker thing. i’m red by now and every time He hits me i can’t help but think He doesn’t hit me often enough, i know i deserve it, but i just wish He’d stop. Over and over in my head, please please please please stop…. it hurts it hurts owie owie… Finally He stops. It hasn’t been long but to me, long enough.
He kisses me and asks me if i’ve learned my lesson, with sort of a sadistic laugh. A laugh i really haven’t heard from Him before. i just said uh huh and He left me. He left me to think some more.
i know i need this more often and it might be the first time in a long time i’ve written about something like this. i just don’t think that when He gives me a lesson like this i am as thankful as i should be. i want it to be over the entire time and then when it’s over, i feel bad that i didn’t try harder. Am i more of a masochist than i’ve ever made myself out to be? =)
Peace to you and yours
Last night Master’s family was over for dinner. It’s always a balancing act for us when they are here. During the winter time, Master always keeps the leather collar on me so i don’t take it off until we either see them pulling in the drive way or we hear a knock on the door. Last night it was a teeny tiny barely audible knock on the door and i had to dash out of the kitchen and down the hall way to take it off and stash the collar in the bed room.
In the summer months Master generally puts the eternity collar on me and keeps it on due to swimming. But seeing that there is obviously none of that in the winter, the leather collar is His preference. So there is just a little more to be aware of, something i have become very used to dealing with and no big deal. When they are here, however there are things that i (we) have to change my routine to accommodate. i am not allowed to leave Master’s presence without permission. That makes it really hard when things come up and everyone is around and i need to dash out of the room for, whatever. It happens all the time, think about all the things you have to leave any particular room for at any given time. Just think about how many times you dash from room to room in a days time. It’s a ton. i (try) to combine my trips, if i know i have to leave the kitchen and go to the back of the house or basement, i try to get all the things i need at once. It’s to serve several purposes but for the most part, so i don’t have to say to Master “may i have permission to leave Your presence?”, over and over and over every single time i need to leave a room because i say it probably hundreds of times a day.
So when we have company, not asking to leave the room is tough, nearly impossible, without actually asking. i say stuff to Him like, “okay, i’m gunna run and grab –this–” and He’ll nod. Either way, we make it work but by the end of the night, it’s pretty exhausting. Changing a routine that we follow for a few hours doesn’t seem like it should be that big of a deal i think for me i’m just not sure that i haven’t screwed up royally, lol.
The other thing of course is eating without permission. i’m never allowed to eat without permission. So once everyone has food, especially Master some how i’ll wait for a tap on the leg a nod or something. But every once in a while, He’ll forget. Then i’m toast. Then what do i do? Sit there and wait? Then i draw attention to myself lol, cause His Mom ALWAYS says something!! LOL i guess in a way that’s a good thing that will at least draw His attention to me not eating hahaha!!
Master told me a story once of a Dom who took his slave out for dinner once, they were talking away and having a nice time and all of a sudden the Dom looked over at her and he was almost done with his dinner and noticed that he never told her she could eat!!! He was like OMG EAT!! HAHA Master’s never done that to me, He’s forgotten to tell me to eat before, but never waited quite that long!! =)
So we had a nice time last night, we’ve gotten the kinks worked out and everything runs smoothly on the surface and no one is the wiser as to what goes on here. Everyone has a good time and once everyone leaves the collar goes right back on and we settle right back into our comfortable routine.
We played games until after 1am, we played this new game called Dicecapades, it was fun and Master won. Master nearly always wins. Pfft. =p
Today i think we’re just having a nice quiet Saturday, it’s lovely outside and maybe i can talk Master into a walk. We’ll see.
Peace to you and yours,
Master likes me clothed, completely clothed, all the time pretty much from head to toe. So that’s how i’ve become accustomed to being, all the time. i mean we really only know what we know. It was kinda hard to get used to at first but now i know that i’m not going to undressed until it’s time to actually get in bed and that’s the way it is.
There are times when He pulls me completely out of my comfort zone and catches me totally off guard however. i’m not a good historian, that’s just a really nice way of saying that my memory sucks, but not in the way that most people say their memory sucks. i can’t remember big blocks of time or really what happened yesterday, it’s not atypical of me to completely forget words, etc. So i don’t have a clue what we were doing or how this came about but all i know is i was doing ‘something’ on Sunday and Master said, “strip”. i also remember that i wasn’t immediately compliant because i knew i wasn’t going to be getting dressed again for the rest of the night and i would be cold all night. Of course, this is of no consequence to Master, to me, i hear “strip” and i think omg i’m always smothered in clothes and used to being super warm, now i’m going to freeze. So that’s what i said, “i’ll freeze!”. Of course, i said that, while i was taking my clothes off!!!
None of this is neither here nor there, it’s not so much what i’m wearing, it’s the state of mind, isn’t it? It’s how quickly will i react to what He’s saying and how soon will i respond to His command. How will i feel once i’m stripped both literally and figuratively of my comfort. i write this like He’s never had me strip before, where that couldn’t be further from the truth, He does this often, but what doesn’t happen is this; He stripped me, locked me up and then got called away to deal with something else important. So i was left only a few feet away to just “be”. i could watch TV, i could use the computer if i wanted although my hands were locked together, so He never said i just had to sit. It didn’t matter, i was feeling sorry for myself cause i was cold and locked up and alone.
All of the above are ridiculous because while they are all true, i had blankets, i could walk around and He was mere feet away. i just felt like He hadn’t given me a choice, OH REALLY? He hadn’t. ***News flash*** that’s too bad. He was gone from the bedroom pretty much all night so when He did come to bed at like 5am, i was already asleep, He unlocked my hands and it was time for me to go to sleep for real. By then i think i must have been over my “poor poor pitiful me” episode.
The best part about the whole thing? The next night, He did the whole thing all over again. Stripped, locked only i didn’t get left. Being stripped is a real oddity for Him, He likes clothes, skirts, slips, stockings, high heels… of course, i talk about it tons. So i’m never, okay not never, almost never naked. i know now, or i **think** i know why He does it. Cause a slave girl needs to be reminded of her place once in a while and it’s a simple way of gettin’ down to the nitty gritty. It’s fricken cold in this house at 3am, when ya gotta let the dog outside with no clothes on. The basement floor is freeeezing with no little bedroom slippers on. i’m locked up a lot, but everything changes when He makes me more vulnerable by taking away my clothes. Even though when i’m locked up, i’m completely at His mercy, i am totally used to that, it’s the exposure that i’m not used to i guess. Sitting chained up isn’t anything new to me but sitting chained up completely naked and cold, that’s not as common.
For Master, it was a good way to knock His slave down a few pegs, make sure she stays in her place, at His feet, on her knees. =)
Peace to you and yours,
i have a lot to do today. i’m going to see my family tomorrow and i’ll be gone for a couple days. It’s about a 3 hour drive from here and i am always a little apprehensive about going alone. i never know if my head is going to hurt bad enough that i won’t be able to drive. i don’t normally have any trouble but it’s always in the back of my mind. That and i always feel a little guilty leaving Master although i’m not sure that He doesn’t enjoy the time alone. i think that it’s good for us to spend a little time apart, it gives us a chance to miss each other and the coming home is always fun.
my sister starts her new job on Monday so it’s a good time for me to go and spend some time with her while she’s not working. She is always so very busy that it’s rare that she would be home long enough for me to visit. She has two kids and even though the eldest is in college they keep her running. i think that she and i will go out to dinner with my mom and grandma while i’m there and i’ll look forward to that. my grandma is quite old but sharp as a tack and she’s always got a good story to tell.
Life the last couple of days has been pretty “vanilla” if you will. Master has been working fairly long hours and i worked last night. So we haven’t really had much of a chance to play. Even when we don’t have time to play there is always the M/s component of our relationship and that never falls to wayside. He is always in control of the daily routine of the house even when there hasn’t been time to play. i wouldn’t know how to act if things were any different. There are times when He says that i’m too dependent on Him for certain things. Then there are times when He thinks i should be more dependent on Him. It’s a fine line between being capable of making small decisions and doing little tasks on my own, to being too independent and making decisions that i shouldn’t be making. As we grow together, i learn what i should be doing on my own and knowing when to wait to ask His opinion before acting.
Before i came here i had a job where i was very much in control and a leader. i was comfortable in that role and i was happy to make all the decisions in my job. There was always the side of me that wanted to have that control stripped the moment i walked out of the office and into my private life. Master would prefer that i have no control in any part of my life, including my job. But any time you work, you have responsibility, unless you work for your Master of course. So now that i have started working again, i have to remember what my role is, when i come home. i may be asked to make decisions at work that Master wouldn’t want me to make at home. Again, it’s a fine line that i have to learn not to cross.
Master told me the other day that there is a good chance that He’ll be able to pick up more hours at His job. Something we have been hoping for since He went to work there. i have been hoping and praying that this happens soon as Christmas is coming and the money would be very nice. i really hope that it works out as Master really likes His job and His boss, which is a wonderful thing. It would just be such a blessing if they could give Him more hours.
Well i better get busy, time is running short and i have lots to do. Take care everyone and i’ll be back in a couple days.
Peace to you and yours,
There is an article that i came across some time ago from the Dark Fairy Tales journal that i read. There is one particular part of the article that addresses a point “How to make her feel owned” (i think i’m paraphrasing). When i think about being owned and how i want to be owned it makes me think of that portion of the article. i have known for a very long time that i wanted to be dominated. Even when i was with my exboyfriend, i loved it when He told me what to do and when He kept a close eye on my comings and goings. It made me feel loved and protected. i know now that it was a bad relationship and that it wasn’t the way to live as a slave to someone who didn’t appreciate my submission by any stretch of the imagination.
Since learning more about the BDSM community and expanding my knowledge into what D/s really means, i know that i want to be owned by my Master. i have always needed to please and i get a lot of satisfaction from serving and from being told that i’m a “good girl”. The more Dominant Master is with me, the less mistakes i make and the more i strive to please Him. i respond to very simple things, it can be the tone of His voice letting me know that He’s serious to Him ordering me to do something. The more Dominant He is with me, the better i feel about my submission and the safer i feel. To me, there is nothing more comforting that knowing that He will take care of my every need and i feel a sense of peace knowing that i need not worry about the trivial things that most people worry about. All i need to do is focus on my submission and on my service to Him and He’ll take care of everything else.
Now i’m not saying that i am completely sheltered by the rigors of the real world. i know when the bills need to be paid and i know how to access our checking account and things like that. But just because i know these things, doesn’t mean that i have to concern myself with them. i trust my Master that He will and does take care of every little detail leaving me the freedom to serve Him. i’m sure that just about everyone has heard this in some sense, but nothing sets me free more than giving up complete control.
The less control i have and the more i’m able to let go, the more it inspires Master to take control. So it’s a cyclical event. The more control Master has over me, the more submissive and slave like i feel. The more slave like i am, the more it empowers Master and gives Him the confidence to Dominate me.
Peace to you and yours,