This is a very long response because it’s a difficult one for me to answer. i am afraid of a lot of things, i don’t like bats but i have gotten past it some. i didn’t know that i had claustrophobia until i had an MRI when i was about 29 years old but since then Master has really forced me to get over that a lot with the hood. i don’t have any trouble when He puts me in the box, even if i’m all chained up or cuffed and tied. The biggest thing was the hood and i’m able to talk myself down and take slow breaths. Master just doesn’t accept claustrophobia as being “real” no matter what i say or how much data there is. The first time He put the hood on me i completely went haywire and it was a disaster, since then He has given me no choice but to work through my fears.
i believe my biggest fear is that of not being able to breath, it comes from having asthma. i was born with it and even though i have all but outgrown it, only having a flair when i have a cold, not being able to breath cool air or get a deep cool breath is frightening. If i can feel cool air from somewhere, i can calm down, otherwise i do tend to panic. That isn’t something that i’ve been able to overcome yet. i’m not sure how i’ll get over that one. But as the saying goes, practice makes perfect! =)
Ask me anything
Master took me to the “city” for my birthday for supper and shopping. It started off ok but by the time we were done with dinner i was certain that Master was all about making my birthday a miserable one. We were not clicking at all, to put it mildly. We had a disagreement at dinner and i wasn’t about to say i was wrong or shut up about it. i have no idea why i get like that only to say that i get upset and stop thinking. Looking back at it, Master tries hard to get me to stop while trying not to be a jerk about it.
On the way home, Master asked me how i thought Lisa would act in that situation. The more i got to thinking about it, the more i thought that it was really unfair to compare me to Lisa. i mean she’s been a slave for many more years than i have and she’s had so much more time to be “molded” by her Master. i can only hope that she and other slaves make some of the same mistakes i do. But yet we all learn from experience and from our Master’s and move on. Only i think i’m a slow learner because i keep making the same mistakes! Sometimes i wish that Master would just tell me in a firm tone to knock it off or to shut up. There has to be a way to over come my belligerence in times like these.
Yesterday we went to my sister-in-law’s house for my birthday to celebrate with Master’s family. When we got there His sister and brother-in-law weren’t there! They can be so inconsiderate it’s not even funny. When they finally showed up an hour late, they offered no apology, only to say that they were helping a neighbor out with her horse. So Master and i were both upset about this, although i’m not sure why seeing that they do this all the time. It just didn’t make to a good start to our evening. When Master and i aren’t meshing well it seems like everything i do makes Him mad and there’s nothing i can do to make Him happy. It was just a bad weekend and i’m very glad it’s over.
When we got home Master decided that i needed some time to think, so He stuck me in the “box” and left me there for what seemed like 3 hours. As it turned out it was only an hour but when i’m in there i have no sense of time. i was supposed to think about what i had done wrong over the weekend and how i could have acted differently. More than anything i think that He knows that the box offers me some quiet time to think and puts in a fairly submissive state. So it was a good thing, when i came out He put me on the sybian and told me to take my time while He busied Himself elsewhere.
Well i’m off to see Bette Midler in concert, i hope it’s a good time.
Peace to you and yours!
We had a nice quiet dinner in the Quad Cities for our One Year Anniversary. Then we went shopping and i got few things for my birthday. It was a really nice evening and it ended with a bang. When we got home Master blindfolded me, and cuffed me in “The Box”. He left me in there for what seemed like a long time and with the lights off, it’s completely pitch black in there. i actually like spending time in there. As soon as He puts me in there i enter some type of “head space”. It’s a good place to be and it helps me get more into my submission than just about anything else.
When He finally took me out, He lead me into the bedroom and had me lie on the bed. i was pretty sure that i was in for a fairly intense spanking and i was right. He had me screaming into my gag in no time. He started with the flogger then He switched to the crop (i hate that thing!). He used the leather paddle some and that really put me over the edge. i was completely wasted by the time He started spanking me with His hand and my butt was on fire! i found myself going through a number of different emotions and the one that i always remember is anger. i always wonder why He puts me through more pain when i’m already in so much pain to begin with. Then i come to the conclusion that the “normal” pain that i’m in isn’t a submission type of pain. He subjects me to this type of pain to give me an opportunity to prove to Him that i’m willing to endure this pain for Him. Although i fight the temptation to be angry with Him i end up feeling good about myself and happy that i was able to please Him.
When the spanking was over, He uncuffed me, took the gag off and used me for His pleasure. By the time He was finished with me i could barely even talk, forget walking and functioning like a human being. i was completely fried and it felt good. We talked for a long time and it ended up to be an awesome night.
Today has been a bad day for me as i have felt just awful. i had to skip my bowling night because my head was just hurting too bad. It’s a good thing that i didn’t go to bowling because i was sick when we got home from having supper and running errands. i’m going to head to bed and pretend this day never happened and hope that tomorrow is a much better day.
Peace to you and yours!