Being chained to the bed brings out all these different emotions. i was laying in bed last night for hours on end not able to sleep looking at all the attachment point and chains hanging from the eye bolts. All i could think about was being chained to the bed and how every time i walk into the bedroom i see the chains under the bed or hanging from the eye bolts at the canopy top.
Master doesn’t chain me to the bed every night, far from it, but when He does i’m on a short chain. It’s just long enough to reach into the Master bath. Master has the chain exactly far enough that i am able to stand at the sink with the chain around my left foot, just enough to reach the faucet and no further. It’s not so much that i have to sleep with a heavy chain on my ankle of course, it’s the idea. The idea that i’m stuck. There is a thick leather cuff around my ankle and big chain wrapped around either an eye bolt that goes through the 4×4 bed post or the chain is wrapped around the 4×4 at the foot of the bed at the floor. Either way without a) the key or b) bolt cutters, i’m going no where. Things have changed i think though through the years. He used to chain me to the bed before He built this bed and while i still had the same amount of chain, the bed wasn’t so massive and i think i thought, i might be able to pull myself out if i ever needed to. Now i know i’m not going anywhere unless Master says so, period. Of course that’s the way with any sort of bondage. The difference is, the length of time and how often i see these chains as a reminder.
When Master locks that last pad lock on or clip or however He decides to lock me in for the night, i know that this will be my plight for the night. Unless He says differently, i am here for the duration, be it 5 hours or 10. He used to care if i was bratty about it or if i pouted or if i was in a bad mood or didn’t wanna be in those dumb chains… LOL. Anymore He really doesn’t give a crap if i’m into it or not. He’ll slap that leather cuff on and that chain on just whenever He darn well pleases and that will be the way of it, end. of. story. If i have a good reason (and it better be very good) He might let me out to go to the kitchen, but chances are, He won’t. So before that lock closes i need to be sure i have all my ducks in a row before it’s time for bed.
i know i used to just hate being chained to that bed for no other reason than “what if i don’t wanna be chained up?” HAHA What an awesome slave-like attitude right? i’m better than i was before, i see the cuffs come out now and for whatever reason, i toss out my wrists or ankles and i am happy to see them now. Usually. There are always times when i’m a brat about it, i can’t even say why. i don’t want to be, i want to love it all the time, i want to love it as much as He does, all the time. i’m getting better, i am. i can always equate feeling bad physically to not responding well to Him, that’s always been consistent. It never makes it right though and it always makes me feel guilty. But that’s something altogether different, really.
i was just thinking as i was lying there, not able to sleep, that i know i still have a lot of improvements to make, i have come a long way from where i used to be. In my own mind just being able to be open and honest with myself is a huge deal. In the past i’m not sure i would have been able to write this down or even admit that everything He wanted wasn’t perfect in my eyes. i still have so far to go, i was lacking so much when i came to be His but i believe what is important is that He and i continue to strive to mold me into what He wants of me. i know i can’t do it alone and He knows it too. =)
We’re doing better, back on the right track, back in sync with one another again. It’s so hard when we have so much bickering but that seems to be gone and we’re back to our normal selves and working together again like we always have. It’s a comfort to know that we’ll have these times, we’ll go through rough patches like any couple and we’ll trudge through them, together.
The difference is, one of us might just be chained to the bed while we do the trudging. =p
Peace to you and yours,